How To Rekindle Love With A Cheating Ex
The first emotion one experiences when discovering a spouse has cheated with another person is fear. Fear is a primary emotion, which causes a feeling of loss or fear of losing something of value. Fear comes from shock and for married couples discovering a spouse has been unfaithful to the marriage bed creates a searing inner pain, which strikes the heart, mind and soul, the very gut of humanness. Fear of losing a spouse or fear of failure causes the secondary emotion of anger to raise its ugly head.
Lose Of Faith Causes Fear
How does fear have anything to do with the discovery of an unfaithful spouse? When one discovers the love bond has been broken there is a spontaneous inner reaction of fear, which settles in the pit of ones stomach. Fear of loosing a spouse to another, fear of failure, fear for future security, fear of being alone are some reactions experienced when one learns a spouse has been unfaithful.
The spouse may say, “I have given myself to this marriage and my spouse cheated on me”. Why did this happen? How could I have prevented it? Beginning to question self causes the recognition of loss. No one enjoys loosing no matter how little or great the prize may be. The piercing pain of loss causes anger deep within the heart, mind, soul and tongue. From this point forward anger becomes a dominant emotion, which can take over ones life.
Anger comes from the feelings of loss associated with fear. Attempting to resolve anger without first identifying and dealing with the fear of loss is like spinning our wheels in mud. Losing ones spouse to another man or woman is a frightening thought. It is a shock to discover a spouse has cheated and it can and does cause people to turn on self and begin berating oneself for being a failure. For not being pretty enough, not making a enough money, not having a good enough job, not being smart enough and on and on. One turns inward destroying his/her inner self confidence and self-worth.
No one deserves the pain which comes when a spouse decides to be unfaithful. The marriage bed is a sacred place; a place to be honored and a place where love is fulfilled in mutual consent between a man and woman. Only an infidel commits infidelity and it takes a man or woman of courage to even consider reconciliation in such a case.
What To Do In Those Cases
Ask your spouse to leave and sever all contact temporarily until you have had the time and strength to deal with the fear of loss and anger released in response to your fear. Once one’s own reactions to a spouse’s infidelity have been dealt with tenaciously can one consider reconciliation. On the day you can speak a spouse’s name without pain you are ready to make contact in an effort to slowly build a “new” relationship, because there is no way to take up where the relationship ended. Be aware however a successful and lasting relationship is not always the result.
